After yesterday's escape from a raging mob threatening to lynch me for creating terror amongst women and small children, I deemed Cedar Ridge Preserve off limits for today's amble. After quick deliberation, I decided that Gateway Park would be a reasonable choice due to its proximity to the office of my chosen profession.
With not a very soul in site except for a small gathering of mustached Peruvians discussing aged nude camps a goodly 50 yards from the trailhead, I was fortunate to embark on today's journey with minimal distraction.
I was able to allocate an ancient map of the trail before my arrival through questionably legal means earlier this day. Thus with a quick study of the route before me, my confidence in staying reasonably close on the planned path was minimally high.
As I embarked on my journey, I reminded my self in due course that this path is not technically challenging. Therefore today's mantra would be You Can Always Run Slower. This was especially powerful because the muscles of my legs were painfully sore from yesterday's pathetic effort.
True to my prognostication of this trail offering little challenge, I began my run with confidence that today's effort could be moderately successful (despite my inadequate fitness).
With few technical features, I was able to gloriously jaunt through the first 1/2 mile and a 1/2 more with little incident of which caused me any concern.
After a quick sip from my hydration bladder, I came upon a sheltered pavilion which seemed to be at some recent time a gathering place for people to enjoy cheaper malted libations. This assessment was made from the abundant numbers of discarded adult beverage cans that had made their home throughout the immediate area. I checked my map and with great shock deduced that somehow I had escaped from my predestined path and was apparently not where I had hoped to be. With a quick recalculation, I headed towards the other side of the pavilion while avoiding the discarded aluminum land mines that were obviously placed to impede my progress. Upon reaching the other side of the pavilion, I seemed to right myself and began to progress down a trail that appeared to be heading in the proper direction. With little time lost, I felt with some confidence that I was back on schedule.
After many turns and switchbacks, I noticed that the condition of the trail began to degrade and I heard the sound of a nearby river. With great hope that a change in scenery would soon be upon me, I forged ahead. As I rounded a small turn I suddenly halted because not a 1/2 foot before me was a 20 feet cliff that rose above the afore mentioned river! Due to my quick and unplanned cessation of forward movement, dirt and rocks spilled into the waterway below me forcing a family of terrapins to quickly jump into the river. They were obviously annoyed at my clumsiness and appeared fearful that I would soon join them. I instantly grabbed a tree limb to keep from sliding any further. The path had continued to my right along the cusp of the cliff. With great care and by employing the usage of many limbs and branches I was able to maneuver slowly along the path as I knocked a goodly amount of dirt and rocks over the edge of the cliff into the river with great ruckus. This caused another family of terrapins to suddenly launch into the river, clearly not wanting to be anywhere near my impending landing below.
After clearing the edge of the cliff, I felt with great relief that my narrow path was moving back inland and I do not know if it was I nor the terrapins that were more the happy.
After initiating my run once more, I deduced that had I been a runner of even average speed, I would not have stopped in time at the afore mentioned cliff and would have been the victim of a most dehabilitating purge into depths unknown. Obviously I still had not regained passage on the correct pathway. But shortly thereafter, a new well traveled path appeared before me and I was able to begin my journey again, hopefully avoiding any serious consequences.
The rest of my run took place with little incident other than my pace causing a great shortness of breath. I applied my mantra and ran as slow as I could manage. My form resembled that of an aged man stumbling through the woods who had recently filled his diaper with filth, but was too senile to realize it.
Upon reaching my horseless carriage, I journeyed home to replenish my lagging nutrition. I feasted on a plate of sauced spaghetti that could nary be lifted by hand and filled my stomach so fully that it appeared I was the OctoMom just prior to birth. Then upon discovering a tasty dessert of strawberried shortcake, I consumed such a vast quantity of it that it took great effort to see the toes of my feet beneath me when standing due to the expansion of my midsection.
I am beaching myself within my bedchamber at this time, fervently praying that the terrapins did not follow me home to pay me back for interrupting their pre-dusk slumber.
Miles Ran - 3.6
Cliffs Fallen Off Of - 0
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