How to Be Victorious in Being Defeated

Day 16 AS (After Surgery). My quest to return to my running struggles has begun in earnest. After completion of my jobly dispatches, I found partially clear skies awaiting me as I headed to Cedar Ridge Preserve to once again begin my training with much enthusiasm and vigor. I decided that 2-4 miles would indeed be a goodly amount to begin with and I embarked upon my victorious return to mediocrity.
The first leg of my journey was the perfect picture of the despicable footwork, form and fitness. I beganst at a slow pitiful pace then decided that since I was currently in vertical orientation, a slower pace would be needed to improve my chances at unconsciousness.
I feel it is most important that I produce the fact that since a fair crowd appeared to be around the trailhead upon my arrival, I had decided to take the hardest and most daring trail at the preserve. This haste decision was based on the premise that I did not wish other patrons of this crowded byway to be involuntarily sprayed with the leftover contents of my stomach. Which most surely contained remnants of a 12inch Subway sandwich that was
rapidly consumed at my mid-day's meal with a modest amount of fried chips of potato (Sponsorship Opportunities are flourishing!). I humbly felt that this sacrificial decision would not be properly appreciated by the proximal patrons.
My mantra during the beginning stages of this modest training endeavor was to Just Run. A simple yet inspiring mantra by any stretch of the imagination!
As I approached mile 1.3, my mantra metamorphosed into Just Breath for I am certain that I resembled a carp that had been caught by a crafty mustached fisherman and hastily thrown ashore; struggling to breath as it flopped spastically on the shore of an aged nude encampment.
As I violently struck upon mile 1.9, My Mantra modified lastly to Why Are These Children Running From Me Screaming as I emerged from the depths of the wooded trail. It is as if my gait and stiff limbs appeared to resemble a zombie that had arose from the grave! Nonetheless, I ignored their invidious screams of horror as I confusedly wandered around the entrance searching for my means of transport as crowds of terrified persons dispersed on my approach. Scattering about as if I been just birthed from the bowels of Hell!
Finally, I was able to locate my horseless carriage despite great difficulty. And with a quick voluminous dispatch of bile upon my shirt, I rigidly crawled into the seat to begin my return to my humblest of abodes.
I find that if you can not be fast and of fit means, perhaps it is not so disfavorable to be slow and shockingly cadaverous!
Total Mileage Today - 2.2
Total People Frightened - 27
Before and After Pictures Attached for clarification purposes.