Tuesday, July 10, 2012

How to Be Victorious in Being Defeated

Day 16 AS (After Surgery). My quest to return to my running struggles has begun in earnest. After completion of my jobly dispatches, I found partially clear skies awaiting me as I headed to Cedar Ridge Preserve to once again begin my training with much enthusiasm and vigor. I decided that 2-4 miles would indeed be a goodly amount to begin with and I embarked upon my victorious return to mediocrity.
The first leg of my journey was the perfect picture of the despicable footwork, form and fitness. I beganst at a slow pitiful pace then decided that since I was currently in vertical orientation, a slower pace would be needed to improve my chances at unconsciousness.
I feel it is most important that I produce the fact that since a fair crowd appeared to be around the trailhead upon my arrival, I had decided to take the hardest and most daring trail at the preserve. This haste decision was based on the premise that I did not wish other patrons of this crowded byway to be involuntarily sprayed with the leftover contents of my stomach. Which most surely contained remnants of a 12inch Subway sandwich that was
rapidly consumed at my mid-day's meal with a modest amount of fried chips of potato (Sponsorship Opportunities are flourishing!). I humbly felt that this sacrificial decision would not be properly appreciated by the proximal patrons.
My mantra during the beginning stages of this modest training endeavor was to Just Run. A simple yet inspiring mantra by any stretch of the imagination!
As I approached mile 1.3, my mantra metamorphosed into Just Breath for I am certain that I resembled a carp that had been caught by a crafty mustached fisherman and hastily thrown ashore; struggling to breath as it flopped spastically on the shore of an aged nude encampment.
As I violently struck upon mile 1.9, My Mantra modified lastly to Why Are These Children Running From Me Screaming as I emerged from the depths of the wooded trail. It is as if my gait and stiff limbs appeared to resemble a zombie that had arose from the grave! Nonetheless, I ignored their invidious screams of horror as I confusedly wandered around the entrance searching for my means of transport as crowds of terrified persons dispersed on my approach. Scattering about as if I been just birthed from the bowels of Hell!
Finally, I was able to locate my horseless carriage despite great difficulty. And with a quick voluminous dispatch of bile upon my shirt, I rigidly crawled into the seat to begin my return to my humblest of abodes.
I find that if you can not be fast and of fit means, perhaps it is not so disfavorable to be slow and shockingly cadaverous!
Total Mileage Today - 2.2
Total People Frightened - 27
Before and After Pictures Attached for clarification purposes.

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