A Painful Return....

 Finally I have been blessed with a return to my DFL training! The last week was filled with so much Flugelhornery, rain storms, and unscheduled minstral appearances that finding time to even consider an inadequate weekend run was indeed out of the question.
 I was worried that the lack of training over the last 2 weeks would put my fitness in a state of despair. After tonight's run, I feel that my concerns were quite substantiated. The Flugelhorn players were released by 8:30pm this evening and I promptly clipped my Party Bag of Man Pursery on and took off running before some concern could present itself which would make me have second thoughts of my current undertaking!
 My first 2 miles were at blistering pace. Much faster than I have ever run before on this course and my confidence level swelled immensely. However, Mile 2 Hill had second thoughts about my pace and before I reached the crest, I was confident that certain impending humiliation had my throat firmly grasped. My pace, up until then, was averaging a brisk 9:30 minutes per mile! But Mile 2 Hill promptly pulled down my britches and gave me a sharp spanking for starting out too fast. By the time I had completed Mile 3, I was a minute slower per mile and my hopes of a 5 mile run were quickly and enthusiastically abandoned. With the recent rains, the humidity had doubled since my last training session and I felt as if I was running in a steamed bath house minus the obligatory towel whipping from the obese hairy gentleman in the corner. I obviously was not prepared to complete a run of decent distance or any resemblance of comfort for that matter. I decided that my final mile would be a decent opportunity to work on struggling of which I am sure I will be doing at the race. This objective was successfully completed  for I am sure that anyone who saw me surely gasped in horror and awaited my impending collapse. As I turned onto the final stretch, I had slowed almost to 11 minutes per mile. This humiliating effort, though both mentally and physically painful, will be righted in due time!
 This run already has motivated me to vigorously attack my training in the upcoming days and I will need all the assistance (and also prayers) I can get.  I am hopeful that tomorrow's run will be on a trail near work for 7 miles. I do fear, however, that the trail may be closed due to the recent rainfall so alternate routes of failure will need to be contemplated. Nonetheless, I will be prepared to attack tomorrow's training with as much energy and curse words as I can muster and am hopeful that the adventure will give me plenty of ill advised antics that I can report to you upon its completion!
 I hope that you are pleased with my inglorious return and may this report confirm to you that my idiocracy has not been abandoned and will thus continue with ill advised determination and relentless stupidity!