Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A Totally Shocking Affair...

My 2nd day of intense training and mileage rampage was eagerly anticipated. I felt with some mimimal confidence that my planned 6 mile excursion could possibly be successful. I hydrated adequately and felt that I was in position to put my best foot forward.
As I checked the temperature upon my arrival, I felt prideful that I would be running in a temperature of 106 degrees F (screen shot attached below - not suitable for the weak of heart). As I approached the trailhead, there was a slain deceased armadillo in the middle of the walkway. This could not be a positive sign of my impending adventure and was quite obviously a deterrant placed by my rivals to discourage me from training. In the future, it will be wise not to mention the location of my future training sites. But alas! I will not prohibit myself from training because of feeble distraction attempts from my gangly foes. I snapped a photo for prosperity's sake (photo attached below - not suitable for anyone currently breathing) and energetically walked to the trailhead to begin my jaunt.
Though the heat was oppressive, my conditioning and preparation seemed to have me almost adequately in position to complete a loop of 3 miles plus one more. I had fancied, though quite briefly, to make this a time trial to set a noteworthy benchmark of my current fitness status. However, I reconsidered due to the higher than anticipated temperature. I determined that mere survival would be a worthy objective and that if I walked out of the trail on my own 2 feet, then my excursion would be more than successful.
At mile 2 a rumbling began in my stomach that appeared to be increasing at a brisk enough rate to cause me to pay great attention to it. I walked briefly to see if this disturbance was just a brief squall or if it was in fact a gastric thunderstorm. After a few paces and some sips of my hydration bladder, I felt it safe to continue running, although alert and cautious of my curent status. To my dismay, I was forced to walk again shortly thereafter and began wondering if a visit to a quiet secluded spot off trail to relieve my symptoms was in my immediate future. This walking and running continued in earnest for the next 1.5 miles and I was quite disappointed with the fact that as I ended my first loop my only desire was to dispose myself of the toxic waste that was begging to exit my bowels.
I ran as fast as I could to the first temporary Necessary Module I could find and let the curse run its course. If it was 106 degrees F in the open air, the module was surely at least 120 degrees F and the stench within only added to my discomfort. A steady waterfall of sweat left puddles on the floor and I contemplated when I have ever felt such misery (recent surgery not withstanding). When the task was painstakenly completed, I noticed that no wipery was within so I had to locate another module that contained the necessary papery to conclude this catastrophe. With fortune, the 4th module I checked contained exactly what I needed and with a sigh of relief I ambled towards my vehicle. But not without noticing that my familiar chafe had reappeared with great vigor. I had briefly hoped that I would be able to complete another loop but alas I decided that my posterior needed immediate attention. Quite ironic it is that on the previous eve I was deeply concerned that my posterior would be getting undesired attention on this very trail!
With a saddened and poutful expression, I painfully walked to my vehicle and departed the park a sullen loser contemplating what placed my bowels in such violent upheaval. Hark! The answer came quite quickly for it was my lunch at Gloria's Mexican Cuisine that created such intestinal havoc upon my plan! I will surely distain from eating at this establishment again on days that I choose to run immediately after work. Thus my lesson is learned!
I do not feel that my worthy foes were successful in preventing an adequate training session. For they are surely not to blame. I was not undone by deceased armodillery but by my own fetish for spicy cuisine! I will live to train another day!

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