I awakened from my slumber @ 6:30am CST Saturday with the temperature hovering at an incredibly fortunate 71 degrees. By far the coolest temperatures in quite some time. This caused quite a stir in my body parts upon my awakening. To take advantage of the temperature and to hasten the completion of my run, I rushed hurriedly to the trailhead. I feared that with the cooler temperature, the trail could be quite congested. Thus I wanted to secure a parking spot close to the trailhead so that I would not have to crawl far upon finishing the run. Surprisingly, there were only 6 cars present and this excited me greatly. I was not in the park but 2 minutes when I spotted 2 coyotes walking around the park road. When they noticed my presence, they looked at me brieflly and then sprinted into a wooded area. I felt this was a good omen indeed and I wondered out loud if my evil foes had attempted to foil me again with coyote usage.
Due to me being needed at a Flugelhorn event at 11am after the run, I decided against running the longer loop posted at 12 miles, but instead embarked on the posted 3 Mile Loop. My objective was to complete 4 laps of this loop which would put me at a total of 12 miles. Additionally, this plan would keep me closer to the bathroom in case of acute gastric detonation. Foreshadowing intended.....
Feeling confident of my run strategy, I was even more surprised when another strategy developed surprisingly within my collective consciousness which created additional excitement. This racing strategy will be an epic advancement in Ultra-marathon racing and will, with little doubt, allow any individual an easy path to DFL in any race they enter. I will share this with you at another time possibly, but there is more adventure to share with you at this time!
Upon nearing completion of my first loop (which ended up being a mere 2.65 miles and not the posted 3 miles), a familiar chaos was beginng to reveal itself in my bowels. I decided to keep running when I reached the trailhead, but instead of remaining on course, I sprinted straight to the bathroom. The parking lot was becoming more congested, but I still managed a hurried wave and declared to all who were present to not worry! I will be fine upon the completion of my next bodily objective! The neaby bathroom was quite hospitable and this task was successful with great thanks to my sprinting abilities. At this time, I was quite pleased that I had not chosen the longer loop for using Poison Ivy as a moist towlette has no appeal to me and would be difficult to explain if so asked as to why I am rubbing my reddened derriere on the ground like a frustrated canine!
After sprinting back onto the course and getting alarmed gasps from fitness enthusiasts gathered near the trailhead, I was able to complete Loop 2 with few incidents of consequence except for a monumental surge in energy caused by the nasty tasting Roctane Gu I had consumed. This sticky concoction is of the foulest tasting snake oil potions I have ever tried, but is quite affective in maintaing energy levels. I am still wondering why some of this ended up in my hair and inside my running shorts (which the consequencial stains caused more gasping from various peoples).
I was still slightly surging from the Gu burst when a fellow runner approached me at mile 6.73 and told me she had just seen a snake not 100 yards away from me on the trail in the direction I was heading! I am naturally apprehensive of snakes and my anxiety level rose dramatically upon hearing this dreaded news. She said the snake had red and black stripes so I immediately tried to recite the saying I learned as a child when my father would drop me off in the field with the "babysitters": Red on black friend of Jack's - red on yellow kills a fellow. This caused me great alarm for I would be that fellow! I knew not what to do due to the fear that suddenly enveloped me. I started to turn around and sprint the other direction exclaiming "Snake! Evil Snake Ahead!" but with some unexplained courage, I reached down, grabbed a very large stick and declared I am prepared for death (whether my demise came from a snake or my own undoing it matters not). With the club grasped tightly by my hand, I forged ahead declaring loudly that I was prepared to bludgeon any serpent that approached me! A more whimped bludgeoner has never been seen!
I kept close track of my strides so that I would be all the ready after covering 100 yards where the serpent allegedly laid in wait for my approach, no doubt anxious to inject me with deadly venom to perpetuate my demise. I carefully searched the trail for any signs of ambush. But hark, I did not ever see the snake, but I did cause a bicyclist great fear when he pedalled by me. He may have believed that I was going to bludgeon him and not the snake! I was indeed apologetic for causing him fear, but when it comes to the Serpents of Satan, I must protect myself with all the resources I can muster. I would not in the least be surprised if this whole serpent affair was a foe generated ploy to slow my progress.
Loops 2 and 3 went with no further events to report. As I approached the completion of Loop 3, I checked my watch and decided that if I hurried, I could complete one more loop before departing for Flugelhornery. I actually completed the last loop faster than any other. This shows my new strategy is quite successful and this should make you well pleased with my efforts. I finished the 4 Loops with just enough time left on my time piece to arrive at Flugelhornery only a few moments late.
Though I was not pleased that my 4 Loops totalled just 10.66 miles (the furthest I have ever intentionally run when not being chased) and fell short of my expected miles, I am pleased that my new strategy is sound from all perspectives. It will surely allow me to have the energy later in the race to activate stalling measures to ensure my DFL finish! This is outstanding news!
The rest of the weekend was filled with disasterous affairs. I will list briefly the circumstances that prohibited me from running on Sunday. I list these in chronological order due to these events possibly causing a chain reaction of future events:
1. Flat tire on Minstrel Transport Vehicle on the way to our performance Saturday eve causing late arrival
2. Major sound issues at performance that caused even more tragic delays
3. Flat Tire on my vehicle on my way home after unloading the Minstrel Trailer
4. Severe lightning storm on Sunday evening
I was forced to spend Sunday morning on vehicle repair and maintenance. I also had Flugelhorn meetings for my son on Sunday afternoon and early evening, thus narrowing my running opportunity window.
This week will be challenging as well. I will be surprised to complete 2 weeknight runs and 1 weekend run. But with my new strategy, I feel I can still move forward even with my limited opportunities. This week's focus will be on quality and not quantity. For this reason, I will not pre-post too much information concerning my plans so that I will cause my foes (who so wish to sabotage me) great confusion.
I have attached a photo of the temperature when I ran Saturday as well as a photo of me upon completing the run. Please enjoy these images and may they bring you great amusement!
No comments:
Post a Comment